A preface:
Several months ago I decided to end my cable subscription. After lots of thought and prayer and fasting (insert smiley here) I came to the realization that cable tv is in no way healthy for me. I felt that I would be much more creative and insightful if there was one less procrastination method available to me in my house.
And so it ended.
It wasn't two weeks until I had worn out every DVD I owned. Deleted scenes, with and without commentary, trailers, stupid trivia quizzes...you name it. I quickly realized that I am nothing but an entertainment addict...ravaging the cabinet for just one more case of love.
And there it stood. My muscles relaxed at the sight of "It's a Wonderful Life" tucked quietly behind the other DVDs. It was as if it was waiting for me.
So on that thick August night...I forced myself into the Holiday Spirit, and began sympathizing with George Bailey and his financial woes. That movie really is one of my favorites ever. It wasn't until Clarence the Angel showed up that I realized how it epitomizes one of the most destructive sentiments of my entire life. Let me explain...
George Bailey is a man at the end of his rope...feeling hopelessly sorry for himself, and minutes from taking his own life. While standing on a ledge....an Angel named Clarence appears, and strives to convince him that his life is not all that bad.
"I should have never been born" George snaps at the old angel.
With the OK from the boss (insert winky here), Clarence begins to show George exactly what would have happened to everyone had he never existed. The distressing journey shows George's friends and family poor, lonely, and depressed having never known him.
Finally George turns to Clarence and demands to see Mary, his wife. "Where's Mary, Clarence? Take me to Mary!"
"No! I can't George! Don't make me! It's too awful!!" (Insert tense music here)
"You must Clarence! I have to see MARY!"
"Ok George" the old man angel resigns with tears in his eyes, "but I warned you!!!!"
The angel then takes George to the darkened stoop of the public library, where Mary, now old and haggard turns to lock the door.
"Clarence!!! What happened to her?!?!!" George cries in terror.
"OH George!" Drum roll! Brass! Violins! "She never married!.....She's an OLD MAID!!!!!" LIGHTING STRIKES!!! Screams! Fainting! Horror...the HORROR!!!
Now lets take a look at Mary before George's meltdown:
And after...
Exactly. I just needed you to get that in your head first. Maybe you'll have a bit more understanding of me and my slight aversion to single life. enjoy:)
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Oh, love life. To even mention it makes me squirm. But everyone always asks...and I know you want to know too. So here goes.
I am...as one of my girlfriends so eloquently put it....a perpetually single girl. Born to pine and sigh. I've never been good at dating. I rarely find anyone I want to give the kind of time and emotional energy to. And yet...I find myself pouring even more energy into wishing and wanting than actually having.
Maybe I have unrealistic expectations. All I know is that I am constantly wondering if this is the day I'll find that guy. It's exhausting.
Yesterday a newly married friend of mine talked about the importance of independence. She said that marriage brings two people together in EVERYTHING. What she spends money on. Where she goes. When she goes. What she does. Everything. She always will have someone to answer to.
When I asked another friend's perspective, she simply asked me, "Why do we all want to get married so badly? Why are we in such a rush? Think about it...you have to share a living space with someone for the rest of your life. You have to have a smelly boy in your bed forever. You shouldn't want to be married unless you find someone you want that WITH."
And I haven't found someone I want that with. So good point. When you put it that way...I don't know that I'm ready for marriage. I do want someone to share my life with. But I also want to be free to do anything and everything. I'm pretty dadgum independent...
God, wherever you want to send me. Whatever you want to do with my life. Do it, Lord.
Help me settle into your heart. Help me trust your plan, whatever it might be.
I have no idea why you have chosen me to be single right now. You do say in your word that those who are unmarried are so useful to you...because of their freedom. If anything, I don't need more obstacles in the way of following you anywhere.
Would you show me how my singleness is of great use to you? I know that you know my heart. You know exactly what I want, and what's best for me. You know me well, but I seem to have forgotten you. Your love for me is limitless. You created me for a purpose. You want to fill me with joy and make my life spectacular. You never withhold or harm or deny me the good things.
I want to see how my singleness is a beautiful, glorious, incredible gift from God. Show me that. Let me rejoice in the life you have given me. Give me joy and peace and patience and understanding.
I love you Lord.
Amen.
